My Childhood Loneliness and The Invisible Friends

As a child, I was quite extroverted, fitful, and agile. I grew up in Comilla, Bangladesh and stayed there for about five years. Then I shifted into Dhaka in 2004, where most of my childhood spent, and changes in my life started to occur. From a peaceful and joyful life, I fall into a chaotic and competitive life. In the new town with a new chaotic life, I couldn't adjust much. Also, I grew up in a rigorous family. I was restricted to the people I can hang out with, limited to the time I can stay outside of the house, and limited to the places where I can go.

Moreover, back then, children were often tortured physically and mentally in some educational institutions to make a good result out of students. I was also one of those sufferers. With all of these toxic situations and restrictions, I fall into deep loneliness and depression. From being an extrovert boy, I became much introverted and quiet. I had only very few friends, and I didn't hang out much. I couldn't even talk well with a new person. I was often bullied in my school and colleges for being so introverted. Even I have had hard times building good relations with my families. So, I confined myself in my house and my room for most of the time. I sometimes felt suffocated in my own room. Even at present, I sometimes feel quite frustrated and depressed about my personal life, career, etc.

Though I had very few friends, I had some invisible friends with which I spent most of the time and still have those friends with me since then. Those are my hobbies, my passions, and my obsessions. They can't be seen visibly as friends, but those things helped me inspire and survive in that dark time. Some of them are lost, but many of them are still with me, and I always take great care of them.

It's tough to share and express my feelings about my childhood, as it is very personal. It is also hard to tell the story shortly. But I thought if I can't express in words, I may visually express these feelings through photos. And I felt a need to express my gratitude towards my invisible friends for which I could survive in my difficult times.

In this photo story, I try to express how it feels to be alone and depressed and take my invisible friends' portraits through a non-linear narrative approach. The photos are arranged in a 4x4 manner and serial wise consecutively. The first and third row images express how it feels to be alone and depressed, and the second and fourth row images show the portraits of some things that I consider themselves as my invisible friends. The captions and the significance of the photographs are given with each photo.